I Miss Running; Moving Forward; Moving Backwards

When I run, although there are fatigued runs that are a bit of a slog, something happens in my body that makes the world all right. It is the only sport other than skiing that I have found that can do this. When I run over mountains I feel like I'm dancing and I'm so incredibly happy. It may be some of the only times in my anxiety ridden existence where I am completely at peace. There are times when I run that my whole body is in sync and it feels like the most natural way to move over land. I love pounding up a mountain; I love how my lungs and legs have to work incredibly hard, but if I relax the breath and the strength come to me. I love the down hills, although they terrify me; I love to laugh at my fear and wish I had skis on, but I really love it when I conquer that fear and I feel like my body is falling just ever so slightly faster down the hill than my legs. I love the rhythm of long distances and the journey they take you on; I love the mental toughness and the awareness of what your physical capabilities are. In short I truly miss running. Staying positive can be hard work, but thanks to sacro cranial and my diligent work on my core I'm starting to see some progress. It is just a slow slog and mean-while I feel a huge hole in my life. Stay positive, Kaz!


Positives to help me focus on the good and the  'moving forward' progress:

• Hitting 2 full 50 minute pilates sessions for the past couple of weeks as well as 10 min core work at every gym session (3 - 4).
• Being able to do most of the harder DVD I naively bought while still pregnant thinking I'd miraculously be able to do as soon as babba 'popped' out! Really great to have the evidence of increased strength!
• Being able to get back on the bike although 1x / wk is enough.
• Being fit enough to do 1.5 hours on the bike today and not die!
• A short trial 'run' that let me know that (while I am no where near ready to run properly / longer / regularly due to pain levels post run) pain levels are much reduced and perhaps with continued diligence, maybe by the summer I may be able to ease back into things. Here's hoping anyway.

Moving Backwards.

On the advice of my Health visitor, I had cut down Murray's milk and he had started to eat a decent amount at lunch and dinner. Breakfast was still not great however, but I felt like things were progressing. Then Murray ( and Al) got sick with high temps and tummy troubles and we are back to square one! I'm hoping that once his tummy is all settled he'll get back to it, but for now, his tummy still really gurgles every time he eats solids and he is really not happy after :-( On account of the lack of food and not being very well I have had a lot of night time re-settling. Last week, I had 2 nights of 2 hours of crying baby! Phew - you forget how tough it is! The last 2 nights have been hard too, so I'm really hoping we stop moving backwards soon and get back to solids and good sleeping!

On a totally different note we had a lovely visit from Al's parents 2 weekends ago and so I will do a photo post soon when I can face sitting uploading photos!

My First Swing!

Al and I went for a walk from the house yesterday afternoon and on the way back we came through the village play park and put Murray into the swing! He seemed to really love it! Here are some photos and a wee video shot!


Photos

Video

Exercise

It was a pretty good week last week:
M: 3.5-4 mile walk with buggy
T: 1 hour gym + Abs
W: 1 hour swim (only just got to 100 lengths as the pool was like a hot tub - something wrong with the temp guage - HORRID!)
Th: 50 mins Pilates
F: 1 hour gym + Abs
Sun: 20 mins Pilates + 5 mile walk with buggy.
I make that between 27 and 28 mile week.

Will try to get more pilates this week and hit the 30 miles, but I really have to just go with how I'm feeling everyday.

Sacrocranial - I do think the sacrocranial is helping. It's a slow process, but I do think it is doing some good.

AHHHHHH! That Feels Better!

We've had some fabulous weather this weekend and so outdoor walking became on the agenda in order to get some happy pills called sunshine!


Saturday

Al went to the club session first thing and came home full of the joys of sunshine so after lunch we all headed out for a great 5 mile tromp around the Knock plus various other trails. I wanted a workout after doing nothing last week so poor Al had to endure the embarrassment of walking with me pushing the buggy up hills sweating away while he sauntered along! He totally dies if we meet anybody (especially any older couples) and I have to proclaim: "It's my turn for a workout!" to save his blushes - hee hee! Anyway a workout it was, as Murray is so heavy in that buggy and some of the hills are killer steep (I did actually need Al's help at one point!)

Murray seemed to love the sun as well because he giggled the whole way round!


Sunday


On Sunday I had to work as it is the end of the month and the accounts needed doing, but thanks to being super organised last time I had actually done half of what I needed to do so I was finished at lunch time. My mum, being the superstar she is, happily offered to baby sit in the afternoon to let Al and I get out for a proper hike. We headed up Kilskenneth Cairn the long way round via Loch Turret shore line, returning via the direct /shorter route down.


The Walk in along the Loch

It was an absolutely cracking day despite a stiff wind and both Al and I were warm going up. Just before we got to the summit though a big grey cloud was whipped in by the wind and it started snowing (gotta love Scottish weather) but it was short lived and we were able hide behind the Cairn and enjoy a coffee (so glad I threw the flask in).


Half way up

From Behind The Summit Cairn

I'm really pleased with this photo as it has captured the layers of mountains out in the distance.

Had a quiet contemplation about Simon, one of our club members, who passed away very suddenly nearly 3 years ago and whose ashes are scattered there as it was his favourite run. It is such a beautiful spot and I used to love running up there on a regular basis. I have to make do with walking at the mo' but it really, really lifted my spirits and refreshed me. I LOVE the mountains and it felt so good to be up there. I was pretty tired when we got down, but it was worth it.

Tummy Time Super Star!

Murray has really got good at tummy time all of a sudden. Not sure if it is coincidence and he was ready to go, or if it is to do with the fact that his head is starting to round out and perhaps he doesn't have crick in his neck from being twisted at night thanks to his special pillow and sacro cranial. Either way, it is great to see. He will go from sitting and lean forward so he can go onto his tummy and while he still doesn't know how to roll from flat on his back, if he falls back from sitting onto his 'emergency landing' pillow he will roll round to his front. He can push right up with his arms and seems to enjoy the different view. Today I watched him turn 180 degrees on his stomach in order to reach the packet of wet wipes (he loves wet wipe packs - must be the crinkle)! I'm really going to have to sort out baby proofing the house as he is going to be on the move fairly soon!

Exercise + Cold

Put simply - I caught Murray's cold and this week has been a wash out!!!! The only highlight being a nice walk in warm spring weather on Thursday. It's a lovely day again today, so after lunch I think we are going to go out on a family tromp. At least my throat doesn't feel like razors when I swallow any more so I'm hoping I can get back on the horse next week.


Shifting Sleeping Patterns


Since Murray has had this cold his sleeping has been all over the place. He no longer goes back to sleep after first feed (except Thurs which was bliss) so plays until about 8.30 -9am and then has gone for a 2 hour nap. It's hard going as he's tired until he goes for his nap so doesn't play so well and keeps falling over as he's tired, but doesn't want to sleep! While the 2 hour nap has been good with me having the cold it does mean, if he stays at this pattern, that I'm a bit stuck in the house. Hmmm - I kind of liked his old routine! Oh well - we'll see what happens.

Exercise, Sacro Cranial + Work

Exercise

I've been really struggling with motivation recently. During the week it has been really hard to get any exercise as I've had to give up the bike as well as running at the moment. I can get out to the gym first thing on a Wednesday as Al is working from home so doesn't need to leave at 6.50am. Usually mum comes to let me go to the gym on a Monday, but the snow put a hold on that the other week as travel was a bit tricky. I wish I could say I was motivated enough to go both Sat and Sun, but to be honest by Saturday I'm often exhausted and I just want to catch up with Al and as it is his day to get exercise, if I did too, we'd just pass Murray from one to the other. So for about 3 weeks I've really struggled with maybe a couple of gym sessions and a couple of walks with the buggy at most. Having said that, this week is proving to be better as I've already done the following:

Mon: 40 mins pilates (abs, arms, full body and stretch) + 60min gym session (equiv to about 7 miles)
Tue: 40 mins pilates (abs, legs, FB + stretch) + 3 mile walk with buggy
Wed: 60 mins gym (~ 7 miles) + 10 min ab work
Thurs: 40 mins pilates (abs, arms, FB + stretch)

As you can see I've really stepped up the ab work as I'm trying to really strengthen them to support my pelvis. I'll let you know after a few weeks if I think it is helping.

Mum is coming to let me go to the gym tomorrow as she is free and I will get to the gym on Sunday (Al gets out on a Saturday). I also hope to repeat the pilates as of Tuesday.

I think I've needed some easier weeks as I've been in a lot of pain, but I must admit I've found it frustrating that I've been completed tied by the availability of someone else to baby sit, or have to make do with a walk with the buggy. My motivation has had a boost this week, but it is hard doing just cross training. It is usually a means to an end until you can return to running after an injury, or to give the mind and body a break from 100% running, but at the moment I just don't know how long it will go on for!


Sacro Cranial

I've been taking Murray to Sacro Cranial again on account of his very flat head. She makes sure the plates aren't fusing in the flattened position. In addition I have bought a pillow for him at night to take the pressure off his head. It is making a massive difference already. When I was there I asked Fiona if she could help with some of my pain and she said she could, so I booked in to see her tomorrow. I have seen some improvement recently from simply staying off the bike, but I could really do with even more improvement, so fingers crossed.


Work

I'm just in on a Wednesday at the mo and OMG thank the lord I am. I am shattered every Thursday and I am NOT looking forward to when I have to repeat the whole process on a Thursday. It doesn't help that one of the few days I get to exercise is a Wed, as Al is working from home and doesn't have to leave at his usual 6.50am. While this is great in terms of exercise, it does mean that I am up at 5-5.30am with Murray, at the gym 7 - 8 am and then come home and look after Murray until 1.30pm whereupon I leave for work and get home about 10 - 10.30pm. After a cup of tea I'll crash to bed and then before I know it 5am (or earlier at the moment) comes round again! It is really hard going and by the last session (which ironically usually has my students who require more brain power) I am gubbed and feel like I am really struggling. I'm hoping it'll get easier. It hasn't helped that this week Murray has been full of the cold, so in addition to it disturbing his night sleeping (awake at 3am this morning needing cuddles), he was so stuffed he didn't want to go for a morning nap yesterday and thus was tired and cranky all morning.

Hoping that wasn't a really negative blog! I am really pleased with my pilates improvement and at least I can do gym work. I'm also glad to see Murray's head re-shaping. I really do try to remember the positives in my life - I don't always succeed, but I do really try!

Another Photo Blogpost.

Mummy and Daddy were looking at the photos they had taken of me and thought that they better upload them, so here are few of their favourites:

I LOVE bath time! It is so much fun to splish and splash!

While Mummy had to work, Daddy and I went out for the day. We went for a really nice walk up Kinnoull Hill. I think it was hard work for Daddy, but it was really good to see him at the top.

This is banana apparently...

... it does not taste so good!

I'm starting to quite like Petit Filous though! and I'm even learning to open my mouth so it is easier for Mummy and Daddy to get the food in.

I did say I'm learning - I'm not quite there yet!

A wee while ago Mummy and Daddy headed out for a coffee. I was quite kind and slept while they enjoyed their coffee...

... but then it was time to play!

These are the most recent photos and Mummy is very proud that I can now sit up playing with my toys unaided for quite a while. She puts the soft pillow behind me because sometimes I get a bit carried away and try and stretch for something beyond my reach and need a soft landing. It's great being able to play in this way!

 Hope you enjoyed founding out about what I've been up to!

Getting good at sitting!

Sitting + Tummy Time

Murray is sitting really well now and if I put a u-shaped pillow behind him I can leave him to play like that because if he does wobble back it is a safe landing. Today I watched him topple and the pull himself back up to sitting! Go Murray! He still dislikes tummy time but I'm putting things out for him to reach and make a big deal when he gets it which he loves. I've noticed from swimming that he does need to get a bit stronger in the neck so he can lift his head out of the water while getting flatter in the water. He is a scream when I 'float' him on his back as his legs point straight up out of the water at 90 degrees to body! So funny - it is not his favourite position. he loves everything else though!

Yesterday, while Al was out for a run I took Murray for a walk in the backpack. That is hard work! I reckon with all his bottle paraphernalia + winter clothes it was at least 20lbs on my back! We had a lovely walk up to the Deil's Cauldron (a waterfall) which was really full after recent rains. On the way back I thought - 'hmmm, all is rather quiet back there' and when I looked in my mobile phone (I can use it like a rear view mirror) I could see he was fast asleep so I took a photo as he was just so cute!

I'm off to view a potential nursery tomorrow. I hope I like it!