I Miss Running; Moving Forward; Moving Backwards

When I run, although there are fatigued runs that are a bit of a slog, something happens in my body that makes the world all right. It is the only sport other than skiing that I have found that can do this. When I run over mountains I feel like I'm dancing and I'm so incredibly happy. It may be some of the only times in my anxiety ridden existence where I am completely at peace. There are times when I run that my whole body is in sync and it feels like the most natural way to move over land. I love pounding up a mountain; I love how my lungs and legs have to work incredibly hard, but if I relax the breath and the strength come to me. I love the down hills, although they terrify me; I love to laugh at my fear and wish I had skis on, but I really love it when I conquer that fear and I feel like my body is falling just ever so slightly faster down the hill than my legs. I love the rhythm of long distances and the journey they take you on; I love the mental toughness and the awareness of what your physical capabilities are. In short I truly miss running. Staying positive can be hard work, but thanks to sacro cranial and my diligent work on my core I'm starting to see some progress. It is just a slow slog and mean-while I feel a huge hole in my life. Stay positive, Kaz!


Positives to help me focus on the good and the  'moving forward' progress:

• Hitting 2 full 50 minute pilates sessions for the past couple of weeks as well as 10 min core work at every gym session (3 - 4).
• Being able to do most of the harder DVD I naively bought while still pregnant thinking I'd miraculously be able to do as soon as babba 'popped' out! Really great to have the evidence of increased strength!
• Being able to get back on the bike although 1x / wk is enough.
• Being fit enough to do 1.5 hours on the bike today and not die!
• A short trial 'run' that let me know that (while I am no where near ready to run properly / longer / regularly due to pain levels post run) pain levels are much reduced and perhaps with continued diligence, maybe by the summer I may be able to ease back into things. Here's hoping anyway.

Moving Backwards.

On the advice of my Health visitor, I had cut down Murray's milk and he had started to eat a decent amount at lunch and dinner. Breakfast was still not great however, but I felt like things were progressing. Then Murray ( and Al) got sick with high temps and tummy troubles and we are back to square one! I'm hoping that once his tummy is all settled he'll get back to it, but for now, his tummy still really gurgles every time he eats solids and he is really not happy after :-( On account of the lack of food and not being very well I have had a lot of night time re-settling. Last week, I had 2 nights of 2 hours of crying baby! Phew - you forget how tough it is! The last 2 nights have been hard too, so I'm really hoping we stop moving backwards soon and get back to solids and good sleeping!

On a totally different note we had a lovely visit from Al's parents 2 weekends ago and so I will do a photo post soon when I can face sitting uploading photos!