Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Rock Bottom + Gaining Confidence!

It has been a funny few days.

Rock Bottom.

On Sunday I reached rock bottom. On Saturday Murray was feeding every hour and by the end of the day my right breast was so sore that through the night I was in agony and couldn't get Murray to attach. I had to keep feeding on the left which of course was getting more and more deflated while the opposite occurred in my right. In the morning after a night of Murray taking forever to feed and settle I was exhausted and I was a bawling mess - the antibiotics had upset my stomach, my left nipple was in agony and I couldn't feed my hungry boy. I didn't know what to do, so in desperation phoned the midwife team who eventually phoned me back and said that I could express and give with a bottle and keep feeding on my left. After sterilising and generally taking ages to get that all organised as we hadn't used all of the bits and bobs before - eg - correct flow of teats we got everything together, expressed and Al fed Murray from a bottle. I thought I'd be relieved but instead burst out crying because Al was feeding my boy and I couldn't. I hadn't expected that! It was at that point, bawling my eyes out I said to Al, we have to get out. I'm going crazy in here. I just can't see how I'm going to get out. A quick shower and we were out up to the Crieff Hydro to get coffee. My friend Liz and family came to meet us and it felt AMAZING to be out! It was the best thing we could have done. I can't believe what a difference it made to how I was feeling. I did have another wee cry later when I was feeding Murray with a bottle but at least I could still feed him on the left side and get that closeness.

Another Education in Pregnancy / Post Birth Discomforts

On Monday my health visitor phoned to check I was OK after seeing the doc on Fri and the midwife team had alerted her that I'd been struggling over the weekend. She made me an appointment to see her so my sis (who has stayed since Sunday evening until tomorrow) took me up. Turns out I have a huge fissure on my right nipple - didn't think there should have been that huge crevass thing there and nipple thrush!!!! Seriously - any thing else like to come my way. I honestly rattle with all the medication I'm having to take. I am a walking pharmacy! The good thing was the she weighed Murray and in 5 days he had put on 8oz and is now 8lbs 12!!!!!

Starting To Gain Confidence

I am so lucky with my health visitor. She suffered in much the same way with her second and gave me a massive hug. She said your baby is thriving, your just suffering. Anyway as Murray had been fed his bottle of expressed milk he was dead sleepy so my sis and I took the chance to go out for lunch. He slept the entire time and we really enjoyed being out and about. All of a sudden it is starting become more of a reality that I was going to be able to start getting back some life.

Yesterday evening was a bit of a trial as Murray had 5 oz from his bottle and then fed from me for another 30 mins and was still hungry. I fed him after a short break for me to eat for another 15 mins and simply had nothing left to give. Thankfully he then settled down and slept until 3am this morning when things had a chance to refill! I can't believe how hungry he is. I am expressing and feeding and he is still not necessarily satisfied.

Today after a visit from my friend Emily and my wee godson Finlay, my sis and I went to the post natal group. It was great as I could ask what to do if I had expressed and fed Murray as much as I had but he was still hungry. Pauline my HV said I could top up with formula if needed and some of the other girls said that they had to do that too. It also came up how guilty they felt when doing that or of they had had to use formula completely for one reason or another. It was so good to know others feel the same way.

After the class, we popped into the supermarket. Murray was hilarious - he looked utterly confused the entire time!!!! LOL. I'm really beginning to feel like I will be able to manage once Helen leaves tomorrow evening. I'm moving more freely and I was able to lift Murray in his car seat today so am getting stronger and generally feel like I can do more each day. I must say though - if there is no one else around how do you get a shower etc? Fine if he is alseep, but if he unsettled.... I'm sure I'll soon find out!

Hungry Horrace!

I was so hungry after all my little trips out and feeding and expressing. I was sort of light headed and had to absolutely stuff my face and then go for a sleep before Murray's next feed. I wondered if I wouldn' t be so hungry for my tea but no - I had a huge portion and pudding and finally felt satisfied!!! I've turned into Murray - a bottomless pit! LOL!

So the past few days have been really crap, but also so much better. I'm hoping everything will heal and I will be able to re feed on the right side, but for now I'm enjoying feeding pain free and also being able to get out and about when I'm using the bottle as I'm still so indiscreet with the proper apparatus!

OK, another feed / expressing session is required before this mummy can awa' to bed.


  1. Om nom nom. Keep eating, lady. I want my running partner back and Murray wants to try his super-cool buggy out too.

    Have a good nap. Love you.


  2. Hang in there! it will get easier and you are doing a great job. every hour seems too much! will he try a binky?

  3. My boobs are hurting just reading about that! The words "fissure" and "nipple" should never be used in the same sentence. Om nom nom, indeed.