21 Minute Run + Cradle

Hoorah, yesterday I managed a 21 minute run!

It was a gorgeous morning and so we all went out as a family. Al pushed the buggy while I warmed up walking next to him. Once we had reached 'the beach' I took off my track pants and warm tops (it was sunny but chilly) and set off for my first running block. I had planned to do the following:

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 minute running blocks with 4 minutes rest in between but with the knowledge that if at any time I was sore to simply finish the loop walking.

I was so pleased to be able to do all running blocks and the I only had 3 or 2 minutes walking between the 3 and 2 and the 2 and 1 blocks respectively. I got around the whole of Lady Mary's so did 3 miles in total although not all at a run. I felt pretty comfortable running and wasn't sore at all. That was definitely enough though as although not sore I just knew that was just before the full limit of my abilities for that day.

So a good exercise week all round:

I make it 22 miles + 50 minutes Pilates.

I really want to try and get in more pilates, but ironically it is the hardest thing I find to do. Walks are 'easy' as Murray just get whizzed into the buggy post feed and off we go. Swim or gym I have to arrange with mum, so I keep the date, plus Murray is looked after, but Pilates relies on me getting the opportunity when Murray is asleep which is basically never once he is up in the morning! Hopefully now I won't be sitting expressing for an hour I might get the opportunity between 1st and second feeds when he usually goes back to sleep.

Cradle Time

Murray is now out of his Moses basket and into the cradle in our room. He looked so big in the Moses basket, but looks tiny again in the cradle. I can't imagine how tiny he would look in nthe big cot!

Murray's First Adventure and General Roundup

We had our first family holiday last week and it was great fun. We stayed at the Pine Bank Chalets in Aviemore http://www.pinebankchalets.co.uk/ and I can whole heartedly recommend them.

They might be a bit chillier in winter but ours had spare heaters so I'm sure they'd be fine - just pack some cosy jammies!

We drove up on the Monday once we had finally finished packing. My God; Murray was up as usual about 6am so he was fed and thankfully then had another good sleep after his feed so we were able to pack our own things. Despite that however we still didn't manage to get away until about noon! We had hoped to make it to the House of Bruar for lunch and to break up the journey but as Murray was due to feed about 12.30pm we only made to Bankfoot about 40 mins up the road!!!! Hee Hee! We actually had a really nice lunch there and it worked out perfectly as Murray fed while we ordered and then our food arrived just after he had been fed and burped so was happy to sit in his car seat while we ate. This also meant that at least half an hour had passed since he had fed before he had to go back in the car (we can't drive before half an hour or he'll throw up big style!!!!). Murray seems to have developed an aversion to the car - I think he gets travel sick as he will get quite upset at some point on most journeys now but thankfully he had a good sleep and woke with only 15 minutes or so to go. We arrived in perfect time to check in, unpack and feed Murray. We were a bit worried Murray might not settle as well as he does at home, but bath and feed at bed time and off he dropped to sleep letting mum and dad have a couple of glasses of wine.

Tuesday

We weren't sure where would be best for walks with the buggy and as the weather wasn't great in the morning we decided to head in to town and gets some info from the tourist office and potter around the shops. I found a brilliant pair of waterproof trousers in my favourite outdoor shop that has the BEST cafe upstairs. The trousers are Montane and velcro tight at the bottoms so you don't trip when running and are super light weight too. We had lunch in the Mountain Cafe upstairs and Yummy cake as they always have at least 1, often 2 wheat and dairy free cakes. Such good food. While we were having lunch it belted down with rain, but by the time we left it was dry. We decided to drive to the car park at Loch an Eileen and walk around it (3 miles) and it was sooo pretty. It was a bit chilly but it stayed dry so we were really lucky.

Wednesday

Thanks to the wee trail map we were given at the car park yesterday we were able to see all the different trails in the Rothiemurcus estate and so decided to do a 5 mile loop that we could do from the chalet. It was absolutely lovely lots of caledonian pine interspersed with views across to the mountains and strathspey.

We found a lovely restuarant in the Rothiemurcus visitor centre for lunch and as we could walk home had a cheeky wee lunch time tipple - it's official, I am a lightweight - I felt decidely tipsy tootleing home.

Thursday

The weather was foul on Thursday so we took Murray swimming. He was soooo cute in his wetuit ( http://www.twobarefeet.co.uk/ ) and it helped him to last 15 mins.

He could have gone longer I think but I didn't want to over do it, plus WE were freezing!!!! Another lunch in the mountain cafe and then I got to the gym while Al looked after Murray.

My 2 men chilling out in the afternoon.

Excitement upon excitement I tried my first wee run. I managed 7 mins on the treadmill. It was longer than I expected but I didn't want to do more as I wanted to get a workout on the x-trainer.

Friday

We managed to get out for check out at 11am and drove leisurely down the road to The House of Bruar so we got a lunch there after all. A lazy lunch and wander around the deli and stores and we were happy to head home. We got back in time for Murray's mid pm feed and then I showered, expressed and had an early tea before heading out to my friend's house (an hour away) for my first girls' night post Murray. It was great and Al was happy for me to stay overnight so I could have a few drinks. It felt very weird not to be with Murray in the morning but it did feel great to have had a night out! The night came at a great time because Al was at home so I could get ready and get out at a reasonable time and he knew the routine as he had been helping / doing it all week so was confident he knew what to do. He was feeling right pleased with himself when I got home the next day and so he should too!

Playing with Murray before I headed out for my night out.

So cute he was totally stroking it.

My Second Run

I got out for another run on Sunday. I headed out from the house and walked for 5 mins before breaking into a jog for 5 mins. I then walked for 3 mins and did another run block of 5 mins. I turned around and headed home at that point and after 6 mins of walking ran for a final 4 mins. I had planned to run for 5 but 4 was enough and so just walked home. I had definitely reached my limit as I did try another try a wee bit later but it just wasn't comfortable at all so I was pleased to have stopped especially as I wasn't sore the next day. It's a far cry from what I was able to do even at 34 weeks pregnant but it is a start and hopefully I will be able to keep building on that.

12 Weeks Today

Murray is 12 weeks today - how on earth did that happen? I am a mum of a 3 month old! As such I am going to start winding down the expressing. It takes me an hour each time I pump now and it is pretty exhausting as I'm pumping when I could be resting or exercising or housework or anything. Plus it is starting to hurt a little as I'm on for so flipping long while getting less. He's had 3 months of breast milk and while I would have loved for him to have more I'm pleased under the circumstances that he had this long. Swapping to expressing and bottles was sooo the right decision and allowed him to get another 3 - 4 weeks of breast milk. I didn't realise how much the breastfeeding was getting me down until I swapped and realised I wasn't dreading feeds any more.

Exercise

Sun: 3 mile walk with 14 mins running

Mon: 2.2km swim(equiv to 5.5 mile run) + 2.5 mile walk

Wed: 50 min Pilates

Thurs: 4 mile walk pushing buggy.

Aim to get to gym tomorrow for gym or swim and doing equiv of miles to make a 20 mile week - my best yet. Hopefully on Sat I can Pilates again. I'm also looking forard to my next attempt at a run. 14 mins or anything above that will be great.

I know this was a long blog post but as the expressing takes an hour by the time I've put Murray to bed, made and ate dinner, expressed, sterilised bottles for the morning etc etc I just haven't had time to blog. Maybe now I'll have more time.

Last Breast Feed + Holiday

This time last week I did my last breast feed. I've tried to post about it at various times this week, but I've either been busy with Murray or just not able to put into words how I feel. The previous week, each feed was getting harder and harder because Murray wasn't getting enough from the left side only, so was having to top up on the right. The problem with this was that as he is getting bigger latching on in rugby ball was getting near impossible without me twisting my back to get him into position and even then he wasn't very comfy as his feet were hitting the back of the sofa. I would keep trying to put him in the cradle hold but he just wouldn't open up or would bite down on half of my nipple. I actually had decided on the Thursday that I would swop to bottles, but when I woke on the Friday just couldn't do it. Then on Friday the second feed was disastrous so I thought perhaps I would just keep up the morning feed and then on Saturday the first feed was just too much. He had emptied my left side (or wouldn't suck enough), couldn't get on my right but was still crying for more. We eventually gave him a bottle of expressed milk and he took another 2 oz or so. That for me was the last bit of evidence I needed and I decided that from then on I would express for as long as I could and give him as many breast milk bottles as I could and the rest with formula. So for a week now I have expressed in the morning and evening and managed to express enough for either 2 or 3 bottles of 6oz. It usually works out that he has 2 one day and 3 the next. This has helped me as I know he is getting the benefits of breast milk, it is preventing him getting constipated and me from becoming engorged or getting mastitis. I had hoped to express 3 times a day but as I'm often out and about during the day it is pretty tricky to do it, so it has become twice a day. I only had a manual pump until Thursday so it was getting hard work, but one of my friends gave me her electric pump which is far easier and much more efficient and means I'll be able to continue with that for a lot longer.

Al decided we should go on a family trip on Saturday so I didn't feel too awful or sit thinking about my decision too much so we went to Rowerdennan and had lunch and then went for a walk with Murray in the buggy along part of the West Highland Way. Poor Murray, when we got there he needed changed so I took him to the ladies' loos (no disabled or changing table) to change. As I was doing this a lady came out of the loo, washed her hands and dried them with one of those dyson air blade hand driers which are incredibly loud. OMG, poor Murray got the fright of his life. The scream! He has only screamed like that when he got his jabs! He was so stressed he wouldn't really feed and so we had to throw our lunch down our necks and head out for our walk in the hope he calmed down enough to maybe want some more later. About 5 / 10 mins up the track, sure enough, "wah wah wah, I'm hungry" came from the buggy, so as it was gorgeous weather we stopped and fed him on the trail. Al took these pics while I was feeding him. They've actually helped with the transition to bottles as they are so beautiful. I still feel quite sad about it, but I don't dread feeds any more and I love the fact that Murray can look straight at me while I feed him and so I feel very connected to him.

Holiday

As of yesterday, Al is on holiday. I must say it has come just at the right time as I'm feeling quite tired (been an emotional week) and could do with an extra set of hands. It is the The Comrie Hills Relay race that my club organises tomorrow, so we will head up for the BBQ after the racing, then on Monday we head up to Aviemore until Friday. I'm really looking forward to getting out for walks and taking Murray swimming.

Exercise

I had a good week last week, but this week hasn't been as successful. Mainly because I've had so many check ups. One good thing is I was able to go to the gym on Monday for the first time. I did 20mins on the x-trainer and 10 mins on the recline bike with 5 mins warm up cool down walking very briskly on the treadmill. That was enough, but I'm sure I'll be able to increase it, bit by bit. I asked at my appointment on Tuesday about getting back to running and they said once I don't get the heavy pulling feeling any more I can try, but to stop as soon as I get that. I'll stick with the x-trainer for now as there is no way I want to make things worse.

C-Section

I was also told on Tuesday that future deliveries will be by C-section as they do not want to risk further damage if a repeat delivery occurred next time round. Yes it has been one of those weeks. Bit of a shock and relief all rolled into one. No wonder it has taken a while to heal and no wonder exercise has been a step too much. It is very hard to put into words the mix of emotions I feel from this news. Relief that I won't have to battle to be taken seriously next time round and sadness that I'll never know the full birthing experience - I still don't feel like I pushed Murray out as by that stage I was numb from the chest down and it was all so surreal as I was so out of it after 31 hours and especially the 30 minute ambulance ride and 2 hours enduring contractions without being able to push while I waited for an operating theatre to become free. God it was all so bloody awful at the end I'm so glad I won't have to go through that again, but - well - the emotions that are wrapped up around child birth are so deep and strong and irrational. Yup it has been a heck of a week! Like i said, I'm glad Al is off for the next 10 days.

Photos

Al and I have been snap happy recently so here are a few corkers.

Daddy Cuddle

Smiles all round!

I've found my hands - look at these funky bugs!

Mummy cuddles!

Night Time Routine

Thanks

Firstly thanks to Lizzie and L'il Runner for your kind comments and to friends who called/messaged after my last post to check I was OK or to give encouragement and to reassure me that it is OK to swop to formula if that is what I want. I'm still breastfeeding, but am combining it with bottles /expressed bottles if out / swimming (mum can feed him then) and for his last feed at night. Just knowing that I have that option helps and actually since the gaviscon has kicked in again Murray has been feeding better again. Also letting someone else feed him by bottle just really allows me to get a break.

Night Time Routine

Last night we commenced with a proper bed time routine. I've been wanted to try one for a wee while but as Al gets home so late it has been difficult to know how to do it. Anyway we got to grips with the monitor yesterday and as it was Sunday Al was home to help. Murray always gets cranky at about 6pm - he's tired and has often had a wee nap at this time, but we didn't let him sleep and bathed him instead. Then fed him in our room with curtains closed and music on. He was exhausted and the worst bit was trying to keep him awake enough to feed enough. We put him down and left him there (felt sooo wierd). He awoke and had a wee cry, but a wee cuddle and final burping and he went down again. No more crying and he stayed asleep until 6.45am this morning! I changed and fed him and put him back down again as he often wants to sleep then (about his only time all day) and as he was in our room I was able to move about downstairs freely cleaning and having breaky. He woke at about 9.30am and true to form was awake solid until 3.30pm when he couldn't fight sleep any longer so I put him down for a nap upstairs for an hour while I did some work for the business.

I did the routine again tonight - quite good actually as it made the day seem shorter as I had the routine to do instead of just waiting until Al got home. Al was able to join us while he was feeding and give his wee boy a cuddle. Again he needed an extra wee cuddle, but we were then able to have dinner and are now sitting on the sofa enjoying adult time.

I'm so pleased that I took the plunge. I know it sounds easy, but I'm sure the fact that I've been getting Murray to settle himself in the mornings after his first feed has helped this process. I would always walk away and go get breaky in the kitchen and just come back to reassure him if he cried.

I was worried he would wake in the night, but recently he's not wanted to wake for his 10pm feed if he has fallen asleep in our arms or not been too interested in taking too much then. Mind you we'll see if he wakes tonight and last night was a one off!

Family Time

On Sunday we went out for a family walk up at Loch Turret. It was quite hard work as neither of us had realised how rocky the path is - well you don't when it is just you without buggy - but it was great to be up there as it is so beautiful. It was really windy and there was a definite nip in the air as you can probably tell from what we are wearing!

Getting Murray Wrapped up.

Let's Off-Road!

It was Steeper there than it looked - good way to warm up!

End of our walk for today - Time ticking down to feeding time! Never Tire of that View!

8 Week Check + Jags.

My baby boy is 8 weeks today! I cannot believe it!

He had his 8 week check yesterday. All is well. His stats are now:

Weight: 11lbs 14 (a bit of a relief as when he was weighed on Tues I thought he had only put on 2 oz as my health visitor read the conversion chart wrong. I had been really concerned about his feeding so it was a bit of a worry, but more on that later). Gained 3lbs 150z since birth!

Length: 60cm - grown 12.5cm since birth

Head Circumference: 39.5cm - grown 6.2cm since birth

His eyes, tracking, head control and hips are all good. He did not like getting his hips checked and I can't say I blame him!

He then had his jags. OOOOOHHHHH! He did not like that, poor wee fella. It actually wasn't too upsetting because you knew why he was crying, and boy did he cry. Bless him, he'd almost stop crying and then he'd remember it and start up again. He was then OK - not terribly lively, but OK until about 2pm when he wanted a feed. He had a good feed and then was uncharacteristically sleepy. He went down for an hour (unheard of during the day) and woke at 3pm with crying that was so obviously saying "I don't feel well!" I gave him some calpol and took him out of his blanket too cool him down and he went to sleep again. If he surfaced at all he cried, but thankfully mainly slept. He woke at 5pm for another feed and then back to sleep once I had taken off his outer clothes to wrap him up in his blanket until 9pm when he wanted another feed. He was definitely a lot better as no more crying, but just wanted to be cuddled and still quite warm so post feed I gave him his second dose of calpol. He took a while to drop off to sleep (no wonder after sleeping all that time, but seems a lot happier this morning.

Breast Feeding Dilema

On Tuesday I was ready to transfer Murray onto bottles. His feeding was just so awful. He was so restless and would take me for a couple of minutes and then come off and then on and off and on it went all day. This came on the back of a tricky feeding day on Mon and Sunday evening. He didn't even really want to take a bottle. I'm not sure, but I think it was because we ran out of gaviscon on Sunday and then it took a while to get the prescription on Monday so he only had half dose on both those days. Both Monday and Tues were puking days and I just think it has taken a while for is tummy to settle down. It is hard to tell, because he was so sleepy yesterday with his jabs, but he has just had a good feed this morning too, so hopefully he will be better again today.

I am really struggling with transferring Murray onto bottles. I haven't as of yet (except for when I've run out or like on Tuesday when I just needed a break), but am seriously contemplating it, but just cannot seem to bring myself to make the change. I have found the experience so difficult and it has been such a blow as I never even considered it would be. I always just thought that was what 'they' were there for and mum BF 3 of us (she couldn't her first as he was brain damaged and didn't have a strong enough suck). I know it is completely irrational, but I feel a bit inadequate. It is such an emotive thing. I think what I will do is try to relax and feed when I can and combine expressing and formula to give myself a break from time to time. It is just really good to see him getting a good feed sometimes, plus when out and about it just takes the pressure off finding somewhere discreet and the stress of nipples on show. I had thought I wouldn't care, but I do still find it stressful - mainly because, I never know if Murray is going to latch on well or not. I think the most important thing is that I really don't want to regularly feel like I did on Tuesday. I felt so stressed and crap and that cannot be healthy for Murray on a regular basis. As my mum said - I have given 2 months of Breast Milk, which will have stood him in good stead, and anything else is a bonus. I must remember what my health visitor said - 'after what your nipples have been through it is a miracle you have made it this far Karen' and give myself a break. I am far too hard on myself. I'll just try and take it day by day.

Exercise

Last week, I managed my second swim (did 2.2km) and walk (although the walk was 3 miles not 4), but I just did not have the time to do my 2nd Pilates session.

This week so far I have done a 2km swim.

It is a miracle I managed to get that swim, between expressing and getting prescriptions. I didn't get in the pool until an hour later than planned, but fortunately mum was still able to look after Murray. I nearly backed out, but the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to swim again until Fri gave the motivation to kick my butt through the door!

50 minutes of Pilates.

I still can't do Ab work that requires me to roll on my backside, but I can replicate the moves on my swiss ball which is great and it feels good to be doing some Ab work. I'm glad I've not been able to do this until now though and the other pilates work has built up some strength there gently before ploughing straight in.

I hope to get out for 2 walks and another pilates session. I'm debating instead of a swim, trying some gentle gym work, but I may leave that for another week, as I've upped the pilates already. I'll don't want to put too much strain on my steadily mending Pelvic Floor. Must quiz the physio friends and get their advice.

OK, shower and chores await while Murray has his only sleep of the day!

Reflux and Running Dry.

Reflux Update

The gaviscon seems to have really helped. The puking has much reduced and the wind isn't nearly as painful for him and as such he is a much, much happier wee man. It is just lovely to have a happy boy between feeds. He has cries, but a wee bit of attention usually sorts that out, or a wee suck on the dummy now that he is happy to take it (sometimes), or a nappy change or a wee fart that he can get out, but it doesn't last too long unless he is hungry.

The only thing I would say about the gaviscon is that because I'm BF I have to give it to him by syringe post feed. It is 3, 5ml syringes and it is just horrid to hear him cry, or if he refuses to open his mouth have to wake him up until he does cry. The only thing that makes me keep on with it is it really does help him sooooo much.

I must say though that BF hasn't been the wonderful, joyful experience I thought (and was repeatedly told) it would be. Not many relaxing cuddles post feed from a sleepy wee boy for me. So far it can be summarised as:

No help at the first hospital (Dundee) and I quote: "Oh, no we don't have time to sit with every first time mum with their first feed" Thanks midwife, I thought that was actually part of your job! Poor boy didn't get his first proper feed until 18 hours later because no one would help until i managed to pin a night shift midwife down.

Inverted R nipple so needed help to shape, but between me and Murray's sore neck, ended up with a huge fissure and total agony and having to express for every other feed.

Really bad colic that is now finally diagnosed as reflux so has resulted in me post feed having crying baby and a variety of things to try to ease his discomfort.

Gaviscon post feed

And now... to the other subject of my post:

Running Dry

Murray's last feed has had to be a formula for quite a while, but this week Murray has had to be topped up with formula for his second last feed and that is because I'm having to double boob his 3rd last feed where as the other feeds, one side will be enough. I'm starting to worry that I'll just keep reducing until it will all have to be topped up. How can I increase my supply? I'm getting to stage now I have to carry formula with me in case I can't give him enough while out. That all probably sounds quite negative, but it is starting to grind me down a bit. Trying to stay positive, but I've been a bit upset about it today.

I wrote the above yesterday and decided instead of whinging I'd do some research and see what I could do to help my milk supply. So far I set my alarm to wake up at 3.30am to express (Murray has been sleeping to 6am so has not been feeding in the night.), I've had porridge for breakfast (oats are meant to help) and Al is going to buy me some fenugreek tea tomorrow as there is a health food shop just beside his work. Oh and as it is my right side that is producing less I've been offering that side first all day to try and stimulate milk production as much as poss. At least if none of this works at least I'll have known I've done my best..

On a more cheery note some cute pics of Murray:

Spark out on Bean Bag chair/bed thanks to dummy.

Al trying to entertain Murray with noisy rings while I cooked dinner! Look at his big beefy thighs! That's a hill runner/ skier right there!

Murray in his new big boy clothes that we bought in town yesterday with the vouchers we've been given from so many people.

Reflux and week 7 weight

Reflux

Monday and Yesterday were hideous days. Sunday wasn't great either, but not relentlessly, but Monday and yesterday Murray was just so unhappy and the spitting up post feed or full on puking that has been increasing and increasing for a while was just getting worse. Not enough to be fearful, but enough to know this is not right and he is sooo unhappy. Gripewater had stopped helping and by yesterday I just didn't know what to do for him. Not helped by the fact that I had to stay in the house in the morning as his Bean bag bed (I'll take some pics when he is on it next to post) I had bought for him was arriving and I didn't want to miss it. Anyway thankfully at post natal group he had a feed and then proceeded to spit up 3 or 4 times with the bubbles at his mouth and the retching, so the health visitor could see what I meant and thinks he may well have reflux. She got me a prescription for Gaviscon and said to stop using the infacol and gripe water so we can see if it helps. Fingers crossed it does!

Exercise

Murray did give me a wee spell where he slept - not his usual morning one, but over lunch so I was able to do 30 mins pilates and get some lunch in blessed peace. I'm definitely feeling stronger and as I write this today I realise I'm not sore, so bit by bit I'm getting there. I have noticed tat after ever pilates session I do, my stomach has pulled in a bit more. The swimming on Monday will have helped too.

So so far this week:

1.8km swim

30 mins Pilates

Plan for rest of week:

2 walks of 4 miles

1 more swim, hopefully get an hour this time so should be at least 2k

1 more pilates session.

Weight

Murray will be 7 weeks tomorrow and his weight yesterday was 11lbs 7oz. He had put on 10oz in a week!!!! Clearly the reflux isn't affecting his weight gain, but it is just making him feel pretty miserable.